The Perfect Dress

Every bride to be desires the perfect dress for her once in a life time special day.  The dress must be the right shade of white or color, the right style to fit the shape of the bride, and the dress must be comfortable.  Will the bride find the dress at the first location or after searching several locations?  How many opinions will she need to hear before she knows beyond the shadow of a doubt that she has found the perfect dress?  No one knows the answers to these questions.  The certainty is that the bride will persevere in her quest to find the perfect dress.

After Stephanie’s announcement of her engagement to be married in the fall, a trio of us began the search for the perfect wedding dress.  Every dress Stephanie tried on was unique and beautiful.  Every store had exquisite dresses.  Not every dress reflects the specialness and uniqueness of Stephanie’s personality as with any bride to be.

Initially the search party consisted of Stephanie, Hannah, and me.    Later three of Stephanie’s best friends joined the search team: Hannah, Nicole, and Jennifer.  We all had a BLAST searching for the perfect dress!!! 

We drove to Norman’s Bridal, The Dress, David’s Bridal, Karl’s Tuxedo’s, and more businesses in downtown and south Springfield.  The shops were filled with dresses from lacey and poufy to simple and elegant.  Stephanie modeled different dresses to observe the feel and look of each dress.

                                                           This dress is too white.

                                                          This dress is too feathery.

                                                  This dress is too mermaid looking.

                              This dress is too fluffy (Actually, Nicole calls this dress Swan Lake.)

                                  

                                                             This dress is too lacey

                                                            This dress is too black.

                                                                               

                                                         This dress is too shapeless.

                                                                        

                                               This dress is follow by too much of a train.

                                                                              

After many hours on different days of searching these five ladies and I were becoming tired.  A lunch and rest to revive us and we were ready to continue our quest for the right dress.  And wonder of wonder and miracle of miracles Stephanie said, “This is the dress!  This is the one!”  She just knew in her heart and so did the rest of us. 

This dress is just right: the right shape, the right shade of white, the right amount of lace, and the dress is comfortable.

“Ring-a-ding-ding” went the bell as Stephanie shook it up and down.  She was smiling a huge beautiful smile.  As a mother I must say that seeing Stephanie’s beautiful smile was worth all the hours spent in locating the perfect dress.  It was more than just finding the perfect dress.  It was about time spent together with my daughters and her friends.  It was about making a cherished memory to be enjoyed for years to come.

For me there are times I find it difficult to live in the moment.  I am either remembering the past and wishing to go back or looking toward the future and trying to anticipate what could happen.  When I do this, I miss the special moments in my life.  It is my goal to truly feel and enjoy the present moments.  I am so very grateful to be experiencing these moments with my daughter. 

Frog Legs or Chicken Pegs?

Most people will agree with me when I say that my husband, whom I love very much, is an ornery man who loves to tease people.  It is a sort of twisted pleasure of his. 

It was the spring of 1986.  Steve and I were excited.  We were excited about accomplishing our goals.  We both had worked hard and diligently for 3 years.  Steve was near completion of his senior year of Pharmacy School at the University of Missouri Kansas City (UMKC).  It was time to celebrate our accomplishments.  We are grateful UMKC provided several opportunities to honor the pharmacy students with celebrations.

The class of 1986 was invited to Kaufman Stadium by Marion Labs to eat at the restaurant there.  We went along with the class and sat with Melinda and Hamid Abdanan.  They were serving us at our table with appetizers.  One of the appetizers looked suspiciously like frog legs.  I picked it up, sniffed of it to see if it had a wild game smell, started to eat it, and stopped.  Steve, “I asked.  What is this?”  He replied, with a smile and raised eyebrows, “Peg legs which is part of a chicken wing”.  I did not believe him. 

In the meantime our friend Melinda had a big mouthful of chicken peg leg.  “I said do not eat that?  It is frog legs!”   Pluh, pluh, pluh!  Melinda spit out all the food in her mouth onto her plate.  Steve and Hamid got a really good laugh out of that one. 

I still did not believe him so we called the waiter over to our table.  Holding up one of the pieces of chicken, Steve asked, “What is this?”  The waiter, looking confused, said, “Chicken, Sir.”  Steve looked at me and smiled in satisfaction.

Grrrr!  Steve was right!  Deep down in my heart, I knew Steve was telling the truth about the chicken.  I can not imagine him not telling the truth but the coy smile and raised eyebrows threw me off. 

I felt a little embarrassed that Melinda spit the chicken out due to my warnings.  The four of us looked at each other and busted out laughing.  

William Arthur Ward said, “To make mistakes is human; to stumble is commonplace; to be able to laugh at yourself is maturity.” 

Buddy's Mouse

Steve was a pharmacy student, and I was a research assistant in the Kansas City area in the middle 80’s.  Even though we missed our families greatly, it was an amazing learning experience for both of us to learn to depend upon each other more and more. Our relationship through our experiences strengthened as a result.  Even though we were studying and working hard, we found ways to laugh every day. 

Once in a great while we would shop for clothes, cookware, books, and appliances at the Bannister Mall near Grandview, Missouri.  On this particular day we were browsing in a toy shop, when my eye caught a life size fury little mouse.  I gasped, “Steve look at this.  It looks so real!”

“It does for sure!” agreed Steve.

“I have an idea!  Remember how Buddy is afraid of the mice in the milk barn?”  Steve shook his head yes.  “And you know how messy he is.  Let’s buy this mouse.  The next time we visit my family, we can place it strategically somewhere to startle Buddy.”

Laughing, we staggered to the check out counter to purchase our little pet.  The clerk with dancing brown eyes and a wide grin took our money and put our mouse in a small brown paper bag.  She knew what we were up to. 

As we left the mall, the wheels in my mind began turning round and round.  Where would we leave the mouse?  How will we slightly hide the mouse without being seen?  Steve and I brained stormed different ideas. 

“I know just what to do!  Remember how Buddy and Dad arrive home with hot bologna sausage, crackers, cheese, soda, bananas, and other snacks from the small convenience/package store nearly every Saturday afternoon?  Both of them devour the fatty food and love every bite. They are so messy on that counter leaving all the food and wrappers out scattered all over the place.  It becomes one jumbled up heap!” I reminded Steve as he smiled at me with ornery twinkling eyes.  “The advantage is planting our little fury friend in the mess.  I can just see Buddy moving from the sink to the counter to the refrigerator and back.  After he leaves the counter area to sit at the kitchen table, I can prepare a small snack for us and nonchalantly put the mouse in the mess.  After I leave the kitchen at some point Buddy will go back for second helpings.  I would bet on it!”

“Great idea!” exclaimed Steve

We wanted so desperately to observe Buddy’s reaction, when he bumps into our fury friend.  What would his reaction be? Over the course of a few weeks I play different scenarios in my mind anticipating over and over again my brother’s reaction, when he finds the mouse.  Would he jump in the air, back off, or yell?    

Finally, Steve and I acquired time away from school and work to travel to the Bolivar, Missouri area to visit our families.  Just as planned Buddy and Dad came home with hot bologna and all the fixings on that Saturday afternoon.  I watched Buddy devour a banana and throw the peeling on the counter in the midst of meat, crackers, wrappings, and other food items.  Perfect!  Buddy picked up his plate and left the counter while I sauntered to the counter.  I discretely removed the mouse from my sweater pocket and placed the mouse on the banana peel as if the mouse were eating the peeling.

Picking up my plate I went to the table to sit down, to eat, and to observe. 

The moment I sat down Buddy rose from the table saying, “I need some mustard on my sandwich!”  Carelessly he set his plate on the counter, opened the refrigerator door with an arm load of mustard, ketchup, and mayonnaise.  I heard the refrigerator close.  Buddy took two steps to the counter coming to a halt, and then he threw his arms in the air almost dropping the containers of condiments.  His mouth dropped!  He screeched! 

I could hold the laughter inside no longer.  I had the privilege observing his reaction.  It was all I had expected.  Buddy gave me first a startled look, followed by a frustrated, and an angry look.  He then busted out laughing.  Dad and Mom looked and asked, “What is going on?”

Buddy says, “Sis just tried to give me a heart attack with this mouse,” as he picked it up by the tail.

Mom and Dad go to the kitchen counter to look.  “What a joke!” they chuckled. 

Reminiscing upon this fond memory of connecting with my family through laughter, I realize just how blessed my life has been.  I knew this little joke would bring joy and laughter to all, especially to me.  As the years fly by I understand more the importance of being someone with the type of spirit that lifts others up everyday.  It doesn’t have to be a joke.  It can be a smile reflecting a joyful and happy heart. 

Proverbs 17:22 says, “A merry heart doeth good like a medicine…

Imagine If They Could Talk?

Watching our children grow was a blessing and a joy each day in many ways.  Imagination is one aspect that was always fun and interesting.  We encouraged the cultivation of their imagination.

“Aaaahhhhh, Mom!  I thought my cowboy was really talking to me!” Chris exclaimed.  We both looked at each other and laughed.  I walked over to the shelf to place Mr. Cowboy gently on top.  “It is fun to pretend, isn’t it?  Wouldn’t it be cool if Mr. Cowboy could talk?” smiling, I asked. 

I replayed the whole scenario in my mind.  While a 4 year old Chris was in the bathroom brushing his teeth and talking animatedly with his father, I scrunched in between the wall and his bed.  I was lying on the floor waiting for his arrival.  Listening, I heard Chris’ little feet skipping down the hall.  Pitter pat pat.  As he entered his room, his skipping suddenly stopped.  I could only imagine the surprised look on his sweet little face, when he saw the cowboy standing on his bed and talking to him.  I walked the cowboy forward on the bed and said, “Hey, Chris, how are you doing, tonight?  We had fun today didn’t we?”

Kids have vivid imaginations.  In fact, my kids had such vivid imaginations that their toys seem to be real.  “Mom, I think I saw Barbie move!” or “Dad, my lion just swished his tale back and forth!” or “Let’s use this box as a car!”  To imagine something is to think a situation could actually happen no matter how “out there” it could be.  We encouraged our children to pretend everyday.

Albert Einstein once said, “Imagination is more important than knowledge.”  People should imagine the impossible everyday.  This creating, writing, designing, and inventing are all the results of healthy imaginations.  Creative thoughts or imagination bring about knowledge to us.

Facing My Fears

Seeking a job to cover our cost of living expenses, developing new friendships, obtaining prescription transfers, traveling in big city traffic, and being hours from our home are some of the fears I faced.  In June of 1983 Steve and I relocated to the Kansas City, Missouri area.  All of us have felt fears at sometime during our lives to some degree.       

The first fear was searching for an apartment.  I had allowed well-meaning friends and loved ones to plant seeds of doubt.  “It is not safe in Kansas City.  I sure hope you find a secure place.”  Steve and I traveled to Grandview, which is a suburb of Kansas City.  We looked at several different apartments; some apartments we definitely did not want to rent; others apartments we may want to rent; and lastly one we definitely did want to rent. 

The apartment we decided to rent was a one bedroom domain with a fairly large living room, kitchen and dining room area, and bathroom in the Briarwood Apartment Complex on the ground level.  I particularly liked the huge sliding glass doors, because I enjoy a lot of sunlight.  Most importantly, I was grateful to feel safe.

Another fear was leaving a land with which I was familiar to a land of unknown.  A few days after we found our apartment, we loaded up two pickup trucks and our two cars with our furniture and belongings.  We were grateful to Steve’s brother in law and sister, Wayne and Jane, and my mother and brother, Buddy, for helping us on moving day.    

The following Sunday we found a church to attend, Good Hope Missionary Baptist Church located at 48^th and Wabash.  We are grateful to have found a church to call home. 

On Monday my husband left for pharmacy school.  I was left alone in our apartment.  I was afraid to go out by myself. I had plans to pick up groceries at the nearby Safeway and transfer a prescription to the pharmacy in that shopping center.  Having never traveled through a huge city, I was challenged.  I made a few wrong turns attempting to cross over highway 71, but I figured it out. 

One fear I never crossed my mind was meeting rude people.  I stopped at the pharmacy to transfer a prescription.  It felt like the pharmacy technician glared at me.  “We cannot transfer this prescription without a written prescription from your doctor!” she said.  My stomach began to knot up as I left the pharmacy.

I picked up groceries and found my way back to our apartment.  At least the grocery store welcomed my check to pay for the groceries. 

“I just feel so unwelcome in this city.” I told Steve.  We had time to travel back to the pharmacy to obtain the prescription. The technician I spoke with must have been having a bad day and was confused. This time we were able to get the prescription.

Finding a job was another fear.  The next day I began searching for a job.  I called businesses, filled out applications, and interviewed for several days.  During this process I got lost in this huge city several times; but to my surprise people were friendly and helpful.  It felt frustrating, but looking back I was learning everyday.

Facing these fears everyday began affecting me.  My stomach began to hurt and hurt.  The pain occurred more and more and became more and more intense.  On one particular morning while Steve was dressing for school, I said, “Steve, I may have to make an appointment to go to the doctor.  This pain just won’t go away and I don’t know what it is.  I don’t want to, because we don’t have the money.”  Steve said, “You have to take care of yourself.  Perhaps, you should just stay home and rest today!” 

After Steve left, I thought, “I have a job interview that I will not reschedule.  I must be there.”  In the shower I prayed, “Lord, how am I going to be able to get through the interview?”  Suddenly, I thought came to me, “Just pretend you feel great!”   I began saying out loud, “I feel wonderful!  I feel energetic and healthy!  I am happy!  My stomach does not hurt!”

I continued this all the way to the destination for the job interview.  I met, spoke, and toured the lab facilities.  I enjoyed talking with the people there.  I traveled home and began preparing supper.  I realized at supper that my stomach was no longer hurting.

The next day my stomach was not hurting.  I felt so much better.  What was it?  Steve and I decided that I was just stressed, since I was in a big city with no friends and/or relatives, and without a much needed job.  It was a new experience all together.

Think about it.  My fear was all in my mind.  My fear produced stress and it caused my stomach to ache.  Once I decided to face these fears and in my mind to tell myself how I was going to feel, my situation changed.  Amazing!

Over time I did find an awesome lab research assistant job at the Kansas University Medical Center working and learning with some interesting and great people.  I learned my way around without getting lost in the big city.  I made many friends.  In fact, living in Kansas City was an amazing growing experience for Steve and me.  We are thankful. 

Someone wise once said, “Face the fear you fear the most and death of the fear is certain!”

Outrageous!!

Who wears lime green boots?  Who spends hours acting out stories with GI Joe action figures and Barbie Dolls?  Who enjoys the experience of wadding through mud puddles?  Sound a little crazy?  It is definitely out of the ordinary and unpredictable.    Doing something outrageous was fun and has created great memories for me.

As the rain pelted down, Hannah and I dashed into the 4-H Extension Office one rainy late summer afternoon.  Shaking water off of ourselves we heard, “Where did you get those bright, lime green boots?  Those boots look like they could be 4-H boots!” a 4-H leader and friend asks.  Smiling Hannah says, “Yep, it is the reason I chose this color for my boots!”  We all laughed together.  Wearing dark blue jeans and green 4-H T-shirt with green boots to set her attire off, Hannah beamed with green.  At that moment more 4-H friends entered the Extension Office commenting on her boots. 

After taking care of business, we left the office where a huge puddle of water had formed in the parking lot.  What did Hannah do?  What is the most obvious and fun activity to do after a nice rain?  Yes, wade directly through the middle of the puddle.  “See this is another purpose for wearing my boots, today!” she exclaims with glee.  She and her friends laugh more.

This little incident brought back a memory from my past.  I was 7 years old.  Watching the sky become dark and a cloudburst of rain hit the ground, my brother and I were excited.  We played with GI Joe action figures and Barbie dolls pretending all sorts of scenarios with the loud and stormy weather.  The rain and the play occurred for hours until finally the rain stopped and the sun burst forth in its brilliance.  Looking out the window, I said, “Look at that huge puddle in the driveway!”  “Wow!” exclaimed my brother.  “Wouldn’t that be fun to wade through?  Let’s go ask Dad and Mom.”

Running through the house we found our Dad and Mom in the family room reading the Sunday newspaper.  “Dad, Mom, can we go outside to walk around and to walk through mud puddles?” I asked.  Our mom distractedly replied, “Sure.”  We scurried to retrieve our rubber boots. 

Running out the back door, we laughed with glee.  We, first, walked through the front and back yard observing how beautiful and greener the plants were.  We waded through small puddles gradually working our way up to wading through bigger and bigger puddles.  We arrived facing the huge puddle.  “Wow, I wonder how deep this one is?” asked my brother pointing to the enormous puddle.  “I don’t know, but I am going to find out.  Let’s go.”  We slowly waded through.  Each step we took lowered us a little deeper into the muddy water.  Each step splashed dirty water on us.  The water was up to the tops of our knee high boots.  We just kept walking back and forth in the puddle and splattering muddy water all over us.  “I love it!” my brother exclaimed.  We laughed and laughed, while whooshing back and forth. 

At that moment we heard our mother’s frustrated voice in the screen window.  “Bill, just look at our kids out there in the mud puddle!  They are covered in mud from head to toe!”  I looked at my brother.  I looked at myself.  I had not realized just how much dirt we splashed on ourselves!  “You kids get yourselves in here right now!” ordered our mother.  Our mother met us at the back door.  She asked, “What were you doing?  What were you thinking?”  I said, “We asked you if we could wade in puddles.  Remember?”  My mother replied, “Yes, but I didn’t think you would get so dirty.  I didn’t say you could do that!”

We were in a little bit of trouble; however, it was worth it.  What kid, young or old, can resist wading through puddles?  It had been a great rainy day for us indoors and outdoors.

     

Getting Better

“Congratulations!” said a college classmate of mine.  “I am so proud of you!” said friends of family members.  I graduated from Southwest Baptist University in 1978 earning a Bachelor of Science in Biology with special emphasis in Chemistry and General Science.  I was excited about teaching biology at Morgan County R-II Schools.  I knew I would be starting a new career, but at the same time I thought, “Whew, I can finally stop studying so much.”  Little did I understand that when I stop growing, I could not grow into a person of character and I could not help others as successfully. 

It didn’t take long for my life to get stuck in a rut.  As a student in school I was growing and learning everyday.  Even though I continued to learn from my students to a certain extent, my personal growth had ceased.  In fact any growth I obtained was accidental instead of intentional.

The rut I had fallen into was planning to start tomorrow rather than insisting on starting today.  I wanted personal growth to occur, but I was not taking responsibility for my personal growth everyday.  I was learning from my mistakes.  How would me life had been if I had learned before my mistakes? 

I see where I was a hard worker, I persevered many times, I followed through with my commitments, and I did like learning.  Looking back once in a great while I would read personal development books, but never consistently.

Here is the deal.  For the past three years I have dedicated myself to constantly improving myself.  I read and listen to personal development books and cd’s everyday.  I, also, include attending events to listen to inspiring speakers.  All of this is done in correlation with studying the Bible.  It has changed my life.

Many times I find myself accomplishing things that used to scare me.  Today, I confidently speak and do things without a thought.  I become excited when I realize that I have grown.  It is an awesome feeling and I love it.

As time marches on I realize that I am not just getting older, I am getting better.

Leadership: What Is 4-H All About?

Isn’t 4-H just about showing farm animals and growing plants?  What does 4-H have to offer someone who lives in the city?  Organizations of 4-H across America have a great deal to offer our kids such as learning about a wide range of subjects and activities.  It is not limited to just livestock animals and agriculture, but extends to photography, public speaking, and beyond.  4-H is about meeting friends and having fun while learning.  I love this experience my youngest daughter shares.  I have watched her blossom for the past 10 years.  Hannah has learned great leadership skills in 4-H.

 

The 4-H Power of Participation

By Hannah Stewart

“A good lesson my 4-H peers have helped me learn over the years is the power and importance of participation.  I learned this lesson at a 4-H camp this past summer, when I was working as a councilor.  I have been a councilor at 4-H camp for 4 years now, and the leaders at 4-H camp have told us every year that, “If you are having fun, the kids are going to have fun!”, or “When you participate, the kids will participate!”  If you sit on the bench and play the game, they are not going to play either.  I must set the example!

At camp the staff told us to wait down by the volley ball court for them before going to lunch. When we arrived at the volley ball court, the councilors immediately sat down on the picnic table.  With nothing to do, the campers started to get restless and complain.

I said to the councilors, “Hey guys, let’s play a game?”  They all looked at me and said, “No, it’s too hot to play a game and I’m tired.”  This was ridiculous excurse because, everyone was hot and tired.  Why were we there?  It was to take care of the kids, play games, and have fun!  Even though I was tired and didn’t feel much like playing game either, the kids needed to do something!  Listening to the campers and councilors complain was not fun.

As I got all the campers attention with lots of enthusiasm I said, “Hey guys let’s play a game!”  They moaned a little bit at first, but as I started to explain the game, they got excited.  I said, “The game, ‘Bull Frog,’ is the land version of sharks and minnows.  There is one person in the middle and they shout, “Bull Frog’, and everyone tries to run across to the other side without getting tagged.  If you get tagged you stay in the middle and help the other person tag the rest of the people.  You do this until one person is left and that person is now in the middle, and the game starts over.  The campers and I played a few rounds of “Bull Frog” before some of the other councilors came to play too!  The councilors and the campers that participated had a great time playing and didn’t want to stop.  The campers weren’t very excited about playing the game at first, but once we started they had a blast!

This is the lesson I learned from my 4-H peers and leaders: you have the power to influence the camper’s level of participation!  If you encourage the campers to play the game and set the example, then the campers have fun.  And in the process, I had fun.  I never really believed them until I tried it.  It was a well learned lesson”.

“Go, Hannah, Go!” I say.  I have watched her blossom for the past 9 years that she has participated in 4-H.  I have to tell you, that even though 4-H is about learning, growing, helping, making friends, and having fun, the greatest experience kids can learn to develop is leadership.  I encourage you and your children to join a 4-H Club in your community and start encouraging your child to develop leadership skills.  It will change your lives!!!! 

Fried Ice Cream? Really?

How is it possible to fry ice cream?  While in Kansas City, my husband and I learned about and experienced a new type of desert.  This desert, fried ice cream, not only stimulated our taste buds, but provided much joy in future settings of our life together.

I well recall the evening Steve and I tasted fried ice cream for the very first time.  My husband and I lived in Grandview, Missouri.  Steve was attending the University of Missouri at Kansas City Pharmacy School and I was working as a research assistant at the University of Kansas Medical Center.  Being students we had very little cash to go out to eat, so this was a rare treat for us.

We were meeting other married pharmacy school students at Annie’s Santa Fe Mexican Restaurant near Gladstone, Missouri.  “Wow!  The parking lot is full!” said Steve on this blustery and cold winter evening.  We finally located a parking space quite a distance from the entrance.  Steve jumped out of our white 1973 Oldsmobile and jogged around to the passenger door to help me out of the car.  Bundled up in winter coats and gloves, I clung to Steve’s arm.  By the time we reached the entrance we were shaking with the zero degree temperatures.

We found our friends, sat down, ordered enchiladas, visited, and laughed.  The food was great!  “You should try fried ice cream,” said Melinda.  “Fried ice cream?  It isn’t possible!” I replied.  Melinda shared that fried ice cream is made by rolling ice cream in toasted granola and topped with whipped cream, chocolate, and a cherry.  “Yum!” I said.  Steve and I tried the desert for the first time.  Absolutely delicious!

I recall another time Steve and I had dining with my aunt and uncle.  At this time Steve and I were living in Springfield, Missouri.  Steve was a pharmacist at Consumer’s.  We were enjoying a great evening and eating supper with my Aunt Emma Lou and Uncle Floyd at the Mexican Villa on National Avenue, which is another one of our favorite restaurants.  After devouring our enchiladas, I observed the menu again.  “I wish they served fried ice cream,” I said.  Uncle Floyd looked at me in unbelief.  “Fried Ice Cream?” he asks.  Nodding my head up and down while smiling, I ask, “Yes, have you not tried it?”  He looks at me questioningly.  You could just read his thoughts.  He was thinking, “Fried ice cream is not possible.  I want to believe you, but I don’t understand.  You have to be teasing!”  We assured Floyd that fried ice cream is real. 

You see, Floyd has a history of being a big teaser.  He loves blowing situations up just to get someone to believe his tall tale.  At supper the situation turned on him.  Now he saw himself as the victim.  He was in a dilemma.  Were Steve and I telling the truth about fried ice cream or not?  Floyd wanted to believe us, if he thought we were being honest; however, he doubted.  He knew that he deserved this kind of teasing.

I have found that some people trust and others do not trust.  Why?  From what I have learned about people is that they view each situation from their perspective.  Floyd and I both, upon learning about fried ice cream, thought it impossible.  The difference being that I trusted Melinda and it was not a daily habit of mine to tease people in telling tall tales.  Floyd, on the other hand, could not trust us just from his history of telling tall tales.   

Galatians 6:7 reads, be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap.

The Importance Of A Positive Attitude?

The Importance Of A Positive Attitude?

Dale Carnegie said in his book, Winning Friends and Influencing People that “Happiness doesn’t depend on any external conditions; it is governed by our mental attitude.”  There are many unhappy adults and children in this world.  Parents go to great lengths to keep their children happy by changing external conditions; rather than, encouraging a positive mental attitude.

My youngest daughter, Hannah, sees this play out everyday in babysitting, coaching gymnastics, and in other relationships in her life.  She shared some of what she has learned about external conditions and mental attitude in a college English paper she wrote.

Spoiled Children

By Hannah Stewart

“Is your child spoiled?  Spoiling a child can have serious short term and long term effects on his or her life.  Spoiled children exhibit many behavioral and social problems, such as, being mouthy, throwing a temper tantrum, failing at work, and failing in personal relationships, existing throughout their while life.

One of the effects of spoiled children is being mouthy.  Karen, a gymnastic student of mine, is constantly disrespectful.  “That one does not count.  You did not turn on your toe, “I told the five year old gymnast.  She replies, “Well, you did not see it, because I did turn on my toe!”  “I stood here and watched you, Karen.  Do not tell me that I did not see it!”  Karen defiantly said, “You do not know what you are talking about!”  Karen, I have been in gymnastics for over 10 years.  I know exactly what I am talking about!”  I turned and walked away from her.  I deal with this behavior of spoiled children daily.  Spoiled children are frustrating, challenging to be around, and disrespectful.

Spoiled children do not like to share their toys with anyone and throw temper tantrums.  For example, Joan received a toy for her birthday, a Furbie.  I have never seen this toy before, and I wanted to see how the Furbie worked.  Joan said, “No, you might break it!  Besides it is my birthday present.”  I left Joan alone, and I went to play with my toys.  At my birthday party, Joan wants to play with my new toys.  She immediately takes them out of my hands.  “Give Hannah’s toy back to her, Joan, said one of the adults.  Joan put my toy back into my hands reluctantly.  She, then, proceeds to fall on the floor screaming and beating her hands and feet on the floor.  “Nobody likes me.  I want the Furbie.”  I could not believe what happened next.  The parent asked if I would allow Joan to play with my toys.  I responded, “Well, I guess so.”  Joan looked at me and smirked.

A long term effect of spoiling a child is failing to keep a job and failing to keep friends.  These people often make bad choices and get into trouble.  “Oh, I do not feel like going to work today.”  Their parents at this time are not there to bail them out.  When they lose their job and cannot pay the rent, they might think, “I can just ask my parents for more money.”  Parents may get tired of this and finally decide to stand up to their child and say, “No, you need to find a job and keep it.”  Another long term effect is anger.  Many times these people with anger issues take it out on their wife and/or their children and co-workers.  This is very degrading, and as a result, people with anger issues fail to keep any long-term relationships.

Temper tantrums, being mouthy, and not being respectful are just a few effects of being spoiled.  Spoiled children expect to get their way; thus, the child grows into an adult with many behavioral and social issues.”

What would the results have been if the parents had taught their children to have a more positive outlook or attitude?  How different would this story have been?  Galatians 5:22-23 says, “the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, temperance; against such there is no law.

A 4-H Memory

I am celebrating 10 years of participating in Laclede County Rocket 4-H as a volunteer and leader.  It has been an amazing journey of learning about my children and me.  Not only did we build great relationships, enhance our leadership skills, have fun, learn, but made great memories. 

One year my three children enrolled in a Design Your Own Room Project.  Chris decided he wanted to decorate his room with a St. Louis Rams football theme.  We found some Rams wallpaper border.  We painted strips of blue and bold on the white wall first and the pasted the wall paper up on the wall.  It turned out to be a work of art.

                                                                           

    

Stephanie and Hannah decided to decorate with a African Savannah scene.  My oldest daughter, being the creative one, designed and painted a Baobab tree on the wall with elephants, zebras, giraffes, and lions.  She added depth to the scene by painting the tree close up and painting the animals small since they were far away.  The girls found a monkey lamp to add to the décor.

                                                                              

                                                                                
                                                                              

My youngest daughter Hannah describes her room this way in a college English class.

My Room

By Hannah Stewart

“My room is unique because it has a mural on each wall.  When I walk through, the door, I see a mural of lions lounging in the grass by a life-size tree.  As I look to the next wall there is another mural above my bed.  This mural is a tree and on a rock nearby is a lizard sunbathing.  On the wall by my window, a zebra is painted as though he is off in the distance.  I love my room because it is unique.”

The planning, the painting, the shopping for accents, and the fun we had together with the project is a great memory.  We learned about designing rooms, being creative, patience, and more.  We had so much fun in the process.  We became closer in the experience as well.

4-H improves the lives of so many people.  I wish everyone knew about this amazing program.

Our Lives Are Changing

As I listened to my husband snore, my eyes were wide open staring at the bright and beautiful moon beams shining through our bedroom window.  Racing thoughts of the previous evening’s activities and anticipating the exciting days and years ahead of us interrupted my sleep.  I gingerly arose out of bed.  “How can my husband sleep on a night like this?” I wondered.  Last evening was a milestone in our journey together and I knew in my heart that our lives would never be the same.

Tiptoeing by the table in the darkness, I glanced at the signature on the dotted line of the Team National Independent Marketer Agreements.  Teresa Stewart.  We decided to put the membership in my name.  I stepped to the window.  Staring out into the backyard, I recalled meeting Michelle at Red Lobster, meeting Bill and Bobby at our home, listening to testimonies, watching a dvd about saving money and making money, thinking about the possibilities, dreaming again, having fun, signing my name, shaking hands with our business partners, and knowing this company was an answer to my prayers!

This moment in history occurred three years ago when two amazing people shared this phenomenal company with us on August 29, 2009.  We are grateful to them for sharing with us.  I have to cheerfully say that there have been many restless and sleepless nights for me since then.  I am excited about what our Team National business is doing for us and about how it is changing our lives.

One way our Team National business has changed our lives is in providing different avenues for us to save money.  As a wife and mother, I find it important to save money.  In fact this membership helps me save thousands of dollars on everyday things my family needs.  This is huge for my family.  It is like putting money back into our bank account. 

Another way our Team National Business helps us is providing a second stream of income.  I mean, how can I not share a business that helps me to save thousands with everyone I know?  I am EXCITED to be sharing Team National and to be helping people change their lives everyday.

Being a first time business owner, I had much to learn.  There are no shortcuts on the road to success.  I counseled with my coach, Bill, each day.  He said to read personal development books and Success From Home magazines.  He said to listen to personal development and business training cd’s in my vehicle.  He said to attend the local, regional, and national events.  Everyday my life is enriched with inspiring authors and speakers.     

My coach told me to get outside of my comfort zone.  I began facing my fears.  I became more bold and confident.  I took charge of my schedule.  I became more grateful.  I rid my life of “people pleasing”.  My personal relationships strengthened and I am helping others strengthen their lives.  I am excited about life in the midst of facing challenges.  In the process I developed leadership skills.  These skills not only aid in business, but my personal life.  Who can put a price on this?

This company is about building relationships.  As a result of Team National I have met many great people.  These business partners are my best friends.  They are like family.  Again, who can put a price on this?

  

I am grateful my life has changed over the last three years.  It will continue to as I save money, earn money, grow personally, and build relationships.  I am growing everyday and want to become all that God created me to be. 

 

The Best Way

How is the best way to discipline our children?  Yelling and screaming?  Controlling?  Degrading? Or communicating effectively? Using positive encouragement?  It says in Ephesians 6:4, “And, ye fathers provoke not your children to wrath; but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.”

Through the years our youngest daughter Hannah has observed different parents raising their children.  Each has the own technique and philosophy.  Here are three different situations she tells about in a college English paper she wrote last spring semester (2013).

The Normal, The Strict, and The Weak

By Hannah Stewart

“Parents differ greatly when it comes to raising their children.  Free rein to walking a tightrope and anything in between are instances observed.  Disciplining a child properly means teaching and communicating with your child and encouraging your child; it does not mean yelling, spanking, or being strict.

“Joseph! Stop that!  Get over here!  Joseph, I said get over here now!” screamed Cathy at her eight year old son.  All of Cathy’s yelling did nothing but frustrate her and everyone around.  Parents that yell do not seem to follow through with their actions.  They yell at their child for a couple of minutes and threaten their child then give up and go back to whatever they were doing.  Or, when they follow through their child cries just to see if they can get their way and often times they do.  King Edward VIII once said, “The thing that impresses me the most about America is the way that parents obey their children.”  I definitely understand what he was talking about.  Another example, at my gym, we were having a parents’ night out, where, you could drop your children off and pay $10 each for pizza and games.  There was a little boy who repeatedly broke the rules and frustrated everyone.  When he was not listening, one of the moms asked him why he acted that way and he replied, “I just like being mean.”  Just like he was saying he liked candy.  I was a little shocked at his answer.

On the other hand, there are parents that are far too strict with their child.  For example, gymnastics, mother would not allow her daughter to stay up a little past her bedtime.  Our team was attending a meet and part of the experience was to observe upper, level gymnasts perform their routines.  Lilly could have benefited from this, but since it would have been forty-five minutes past the normal bedtime, Lilly had to miss the excitement and learning experience.  I have noticed that Lilly is very quiet around her Mother; however, Lilly was very loud and outspoken with her teammates when her mother was not around.  Perhaps, Lilly felt that she could be who she was created to be when Mother was not present.

There are parents who discipline without either technique.  Instead of yelling and degrading their child, they encourage their children to be who they are.  When the child does need instruction, it is done calmly, firmly, and gently that way the child is not embarrassed in front of their peers.  Consequences are a big part of a child’s discipline.  “Do you want to go to the birthday party tomorrow because the way you are acting right now, you will be staying at home says a mother?  You give a child a decision; to stop the bad behavior and to the birthday party or keep the bad behavior up and stay home.

Communication, encouragement, and consequences are the way to go when disciplining a child.  Parents should show love and respect when teaching their children.”

No one ever said raising children is easy, but with the Lord’s help much can be accomplished.  It says in Proverbs 22: 6 to “Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.”

Get Outside Of You Box To Do Something New Everyday

Get outside of your box to do something new everyday!  My teachers have encouraged me many times throughout my life to learn by doing something new and uncomfortable.  Lately, I have come to more fully understand the meaning and benefits.  What does it mean to get outside of your box?  Why is it important to get outside of your box?  Who should get outside of their box? 

Getting outside of your box just means doing something new or something you are afraid doing.  In school students are encouraged to do this everyday.  One example was that when I was younger I played the piano in front of people I do not know at a recital. 

“Next we have Teresa.  She will be playing a song by Johan Sebastian Bach,” announced the teacher at the piano recital.  Just hearing my name caused my palms to sweat.  I stood up and walked to the piano on shaky legs.  As I sat down on the piano bench and then I placed my hands on the keyboard to begin my song, my stomach was filled with butterflies and my hands began to shake.  I loved playing the piano at home alone, but no in front of a large group of people.  I began playing my song anyway.  When I finished my song, I felt a surge on confidence rush through me.  I did it!

As a homeschool mom, I encouraged my kids many times over to get outside of their box.  By the time Hannah was ready to take her first college class she still felt uncomfortable.  Here is how she described her feeling in an English class.

  

First Day of Ozark Technical College Class

By Hannah Stewart

“Nervous was my middle name first day of class.  It was my first college class and these thoughts entered my head:  What if I fail the class?  What if I cannot find the room?  Finding the room did not take long at all, so then I was twenty minutes early.  I walked into the class room, plopped into a chair and did not talk to anyone.  During class, I was so nervous I could hardly take notes.  By the second or third class, I was not as nervous and felt more comfortable.  But that first day of class was so nerve racking for me.”

Why is it important to get outside your box?  I understand that it would have been easier not to participate in a piano recital.  I would have been more comfortable just playing the piano at home all by myself instead of the presence of people.  Hannah would have been more comfortable in just staying at home.  She would not run the risk of failing her class.  She would not run the risk of meeting people.  Notice something here.  Both of us learned something new and gained confidence in ourselves.  Being lifelong learners is important in this life.  We must keep our minds growing and active.

Who should get outside of the box?  Students, teachers, business owners, everybody should keep it in their everyday scheme of life.  Going to work and coming home to zone out in front of the television is boring.  You will not grow this way.

For me it is important to get outside my comfort zone everyday especially in my business.  I have discovered that I can accomplish more than I ever thought I could in this life.  My confidence has sky rocketed.  I love the feeling I get when I catch myself doing something that used to make me feel insecure and now I am performing the task without even thinking about it.  I think, “Wow!  Is that me?!”  This growth helps me to be the best business partner I can be.

Lastly and most important is that I want to become all that God created me to become.  Can I do this without getting outside of my comfort zone?  Probably not.  There is one thing I know and that is God is with me helping me do that he wants of me. It says in Isaiah 41:10 “Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness.”      

Take The High Road

Caring for five cats and a dog is a lot like raising children.  Our three children often would be in a fight.  I would always require them to apologize, hug each other, and say I love you.  We are a family and we care for each other.

 

One hot and dry July morning (2012) our youngest daughter, Hannah, and her Dad were feeding our five hungry cats and our dog, Nanook.  Hannah carried the 20 pound bag of Science Diet Cat out to the back porch.  She slowly lowered the bag onto the porch.  She allowed the bag to drop the last foot.  Plop!

“Mew, mew, mew!” our cats cried as they circled Hannah legs.  She had taken the huge bag outside to pour the cat food into smaller and easier to carry containers.  She set two bowls of cat food on top of the barbeque for Captain and Rose.  They both jump on top of the barbeque.  Missy’s bowl was set on the picnic table.  Missy jumped and began daintily eating.  Bonnie eats on the front porch so Hannah took Bonnie a bowl to the front porch.

While she took care of Bonnie, Sam grew impatient and decided to take matters into his own hands.  He stuck his head into the huge bag of cat food.  Sam stood on his hind legs on the porch and front feet and upper torso inside the bag.  He was having a hay day eating.  He was in cat food heaven.

While Hannah cared for the cats, her Dad was watering the lawn.  Suddenly, Nanook yipped as if to say, “Look what Sam is doing!  He should not be doing this!”  Nanook paced back and forth.  “Yip!” again Nanook barked.  By this time Hannah was back on the porch to carry the cat food back into the garage in a safe place.  Her Dad turned around to see what Nanook was fussing about.

Hannah and her Dad looked at each other and burst out laughing.  Nanook was tattling on Sam.  It was so funny since those two have never really cooperated together.  Sam was always stealing Nanook’s dog food or slapping Nanook.  On numerous occasions we have heard Nanook growling at Sam.  “Yip, yip, yip!” Nanook barked and ran in a circle around Sam.  “Settle down!” ordered Dad. 

Hannah prepared Sam a bowl and took him to a corner on the porch to eat.  Nanook was given his bowl of dog food.  Everybody was happy, at least for awhile.

Nanook and Sam reminded me of similar relationships I have seen in some people.  These relationships show symptoms such as disrespectfulness, back biting, flaring tempers, rudeness, and taking offense easily.  It takes a strong person to take the high road, to show kindness in the midst of rudeness. 

Yet that is what the Bible says to do.  In Matthew 5:44 it reads, “But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you; That ye may be the children of your Father which is in heaven: for he maketh his sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust.  For if ye love them which love you, what reward have ye?”