The Best Way

How is the best way to discipline our children?  Yelling and screaming?  Controlling?  Degrading? Or communicating effectively? Using positive encouragement?  It says in Ephesians 6:4, “And, ye fathers provoke not your children to wrath; but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.”

Through the years our youngest daughter Hannah has observed different parents raising their children.  Each has the own technique and philosophy.  Here are three different situations she tells about in a college English paper she wrote last spring semester (2013).

The Normal, The Strict, and The Weak

By Hannah Stewart

“Parents differ greatly when it comes to raising their children.  Free rein to walking a tightrope and anything in between are instances observed.  Disciplining a child properly means teaching and communicating with your child and encouraging your child; it does not mean yelling, spanking, or being strict.

“Joseph! Stop that!  Get over here!  Joseph, I said get over here now!” screamed Cathy at her eight year old son.  All of Cathy’s yelling did nothing but frustrate her and everyone around.  Parents that yell do not seem to follow through with their actions.  They yell at their child for a couple of minutes and threaten their child then give up and go back to whatever they were doing.  Or, when they follow through their child cries just to see if they can get their way and often times they do.  King Edward VIII once said, “The thing that impresses me the most about America is the way that parents obey their children.”  I definitely understand what he was talking about.  Another example, at my gym, we were having a parents’ night out, where, you could drop your children off and pay $10 each for pizza and games.  There was a little boy who repeatedly broke the rules and frustrated everyone.  When he was not listening, one of the moms asked him why he acted that way and he replied, “I just like being mean.”  Just like he was saying he liked candy.  I was a little shocked at his answer.

On the other hand, there are parents that are far too strict with their child.  For example, gymnastics, mother would not allow her daughter to stay up a little past her bedtime.  Our team was attending a meet and part of the experience was to observe upper, level gymnasts perform their routines.  Lilly could have benefited from this, but since it would have been forty-five minutes past the normal bedtime, Lilly had to miss the excitement and learning experience.  I have noticed that Lilly is very quiet around her Mother; however, Lilly was very loud and outspoken with her teammates when her mother was not around.  Perhaps, Lilly felt that she could be who she was created to be when Mother was not present.

There are parents who discipline without either technique.  Instead of yelling and degrading their child, they encourage their children to be who they are.  When the child does need instruction, it is done calmly, firmly, and gently that way the child is not embarrassed in front of their peers.  Consequences are a big part of a child’s discipline.  “Do you want to go to the birthday party tomorrow because the way you are acting right now, you will be staying at home says a mother?  You give a child a decision; to stop the bad behavior and to the birthday party or keep the bad behavior up and stay home.

Communication, encouragement, and consequences are the way to go when disciplining a child.  Parents should show love and respect when teaching their children.”

No one ever said raising children is easy, but with the Lord’s help much can be accomplished.  It says in Proverbs 22: 6 to “Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.”